I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
