She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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