Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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