My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
