She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
