I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
