Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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