For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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