My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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