party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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