We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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