Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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