Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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