Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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