She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
