I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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