My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
