So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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