The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
