it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
