11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Vodka?
Forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize