whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come on in and take your pants off
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