Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
