Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
