Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
