I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
