I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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