You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
