sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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