this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
