she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
