I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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