I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
