I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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