life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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