Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
