We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
