Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
