i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
