Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
