So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
