when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
