goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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