Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
