Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
