I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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