would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
