Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
