Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
