I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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