Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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