my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
NoShamevember. You game?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
