I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
