That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
