He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
