Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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