Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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