What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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