i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
