I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
