The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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